My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
