Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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