He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
