she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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