I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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