Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
