4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
