From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
