TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
