So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
