OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
