I hate all girls vehemently.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
