Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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