Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
