i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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