if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
