i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
