I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
