I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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