So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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