No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
