What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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