I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
