Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
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