U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
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Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
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You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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