Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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