Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
