the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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