We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
