let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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