Actions speak louder than pants.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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