you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
oh god was she eating orange peels again
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
