Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
