Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
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Reggie can tackle my bush.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
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and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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