i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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