she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
