He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
