i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
