My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
