No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
So here I am, sexting at work.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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