: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
