you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
