They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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