You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
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I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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