you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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