this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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