tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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