im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
This baby is an asshole
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
