I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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