Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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