Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
