she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
