did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
