We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
