My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
