Even the bartender felt bad for me
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
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Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
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I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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