i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
