Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize