I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
