no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I pour the whiskey from now on
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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